textualhealing | IC CONTACT

you're in charge of dinner
for the week
and breakfast
and dessert

youre good w phones right?

[Help her, Jeff, she is plagued by astrology texts.]

how goes holding the fort down?

You'd think a Canadian wouldn't be so surprised you wanna be a Canadian.

Hey, Jeff. It's Walt. I'm back in Heropa right now. Can I swing by your office?

[ Ring ring, motherfucker ]

[One day, Jeff will find a small box on his desk containing these. How fancy. There's a note attached (fancy writing of course):]

Hope you like them.

[ Ring ring ring. ]

do you write about me?

wait so hear me out

if a guy likes getting it up his ass, is he gay

even if the thing up his ass is a strap-on or whatever

I just got a call from the girl we brought back to our hotel. You know the one? The one with that vibrating tongue ring who went down on me while you fucked her up the ass? Not to be confused with the one who took us both for a ride three times in the same night.

Anyway, she said she wants to find a way to Heropa in November -- if you're interested in hooking up again. This is the brunette with the birthmark on her asscheek. Meagan. If I remember her name right. We had so many, it was hard to keep track.

!!IMPORTANT!!
red lace or black leather?

[It's Jeff's lucky day. He gets a mirror selfie of Elsa (clearly taken in the bathroom at her job) with her top pulled up and a fluffy pink feather boa wound around her neck, carefully arranged to fall between her breasts without covering them.]

2 more hrs of this bullshit
send me motivation

[...Too bad this wasn't actually meant for him.]

I've put on four pounds. This new power is a nightmare.

[There's the most innocuous knock at the door of Jeff's office. Not an angry pounding but a rapping that's just loud enough to be heard even if Jeff happens to be on the phone or something. Jesse knows that Jeff's in there. He's been waiting and watching for the right opportunity, the chance to catch Jeff alone. And here it is.]

I may not be a lawyer but I can get you off.

[BADUM-TSS]

My horniness has resulted in me using terrible pick up lines. I may have had a few glasses of wine but that's not relevant. Get your arse over here, Winger. Chop, chop.

[ some time when jeff walks through the kitchen, possibly on one of watching tv in boxers adventures, thomas pipes up from where he's stuffing his face with some kind of junk food. ]

Wanna go to Disney World?

Minor emergency afoot.

Pissed off the god machine thing again. You still alive?

[Casually assesses employment status with Weird Boss...]

Going to Hawaii for a few days, possibly a week. I won't say no to company but maybe I'll send you photos.

;)

[He's absolutely to blame for the winky face.]

we should make money on this bs

jeff
jeff thisis dorian
I need you to do something teribly important for me.

[ normally Dorian is king of typing correctly and proper syntax but ahahaha nope, he has plenty of drugs flowing through his system, fuck that noise he feels great ]

ok checking in, tell me ur alive/intact/hopefully with the same powers u usually got

[And roughly 15 seconds after he shoots off a series of texts to April, he sends them to Jeff, too. Just in case she's asleep. Yes. That's his only thought, can be his only thought. April could be asleep or in the bathroom or something, it's not unreasonable to check up with the other adult. Except instead of a series of them, addled as he is, Jeff just gets one message of:]

WHERE ARE YOU SAFE IS EVERYONE ALIVE

[...he may have lost a few words this time around.]

[Come Christmas morning, Jeff will find a box mysteriously sitting at the foot of his bed (perhaps Sharkbait has already made love to it, Will didn't do that but he didn't discourage it). Wrapped in paper featuring ornaments with silly faces, Jeff's name has been written on the green ribbon around it. Inside he'll find a swanky mini-fridge for his room (it's silver and black) and a card with a dog at the head of the courtroom. Literally just a shoop of a greyhound judge wearing Harry Potter-like glasses with the gavel in its mouth.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Jeff. We thought it about time you had a nice one of these to call your own. May whatever you put in it bring you joy and relief in the upcoming year.
- Will & April

The gift card to a store featuring men's hygiene supplies (shampoo, cologne, the works) valued at $30 falls out of this card.

Thank u 4 bein a frand, Jeff.]

Edited 2015-12-26 21:40 (UTC)

text backdated to morning after will left

text

no subject

voice forever DWI JEFF