textualhealing | IC CONTACT

[Still alive and still weird!]

... Yeah, uh... Okay? [Deadish back home??? But, you know, that shit happens.] Been okay.

[Pause.]

How have you been? Besides alive...

Good, actually. Got some new clients, money's still coming in.

[Also some mushy happy family stuff, but discussing that is as gross as talking about feelings]

I probably got enough now that I could even spare you a few drinks.

Cool, cool... Wait, are you sayin' you've got enough clients now that you can go drinkin' with them instead of me for a while?

Nah, I'm still drinking by myself, sad and alone. But at least now I have the money to get a friend drunk too. Although, uh, I might've kinda replaced you in other ways... [Just mildly guilty about getting himself another bodyguard security type.]

Oh... [Trying not to sound disappointed. Trying and failing. But hey, there's a small ray of hope.] What ways?

[Dang, man. Don't make this harder than it already is.] Well. I had to find someone to watch my back while you weren't around. Got a kid who lives at Will's who seemed keen. But he's got other stuff to do too! I totally still need someone to fill in the gaps.

... Huh. I mean, yeah, I was gone... So... Yeah.

[Mike should be happy about this. He knows he should be. Seeing less of Weird Guy Jeff, oh boy! But Jeff got a kid to do his job. A kid. Why is it always a kid? Man, he can't let this keep happening.]

Who is this kid?

[He's almost hesitant to answer for a second there, but this is Mike. Plus literally anyone could show up at Jeff's office and find out easily.]

Grey. He's a good kid. Loyal too. But nothing and no one compares to your level of enthusiasm and dedication, Mike. [You don't even need to see him to know there's the most smirkiest of smirks. So proud of his own sarcasm.]

[But this is Mike.]

Grey. Don't know him. Don't know any Greys. [Just a White and a Pink.] I'm sure he is a good kid. Part of Will's family and all. Probably smart, too, right?

[It's like he didn't even hear that bit about his enthusiasm and dedication. What a waste of quality sarcasm.]

[Exactly. It's Mike. Such a trustworthy and special snowflake.]

Yeah. Smarter than you or I, I bet. You looking for any work, Mike?

I bet... [Grumble grumble smart people grumble.] No, I don't need work. Got plenty of work. Never liked havin' to go through the Porters to get to a job, anyway.

[The most special and mature of snowflakes.]

[Smart people are the worst.] You can still come in and work a few days for me though, right?

Nope. But maybe Will's got another smart kid you can borrow?

Then why bother calling, Mike? [Ooh, that's a sulky tone.]

[Mike hears that sulky tone and raises Jeff a sulky huff.]

To see if I still had a job! Which I obviously don't 'cause- 'cause you want me to play second... uh... shit, what's that one, uh... instrument thing? Second whatever that thing is! To a kid! Fuck that, I'm not doin' that anymore. I'm better than any dumb smart kid! I've got experience and really cool powers!

[Just two mature men being super mature.]

Seriously? You're jealous that I had to get someone else? Way to go, man.

[Where's an actual adult when you need one?]

Way to go yourself! [A+ comeback.] You would've gotten that kid even if the god machine hadn't kicked me! That's what happens. That's how it goes. Everybody always gets somebody else, some kid.

But hey! I wonder how your clients would feel about runnin' into a shady guy on their way to your office?

[A pause, mostly so his eyes can roll out of his head. Bye eyes. It gives Jeff the chance to think briefly before snapping back a bitchy retort, at least. Friends are good, arguments are healthy, but hugging it out is even better.]

Okay, so clearly this isn't just about working for me. You got some problem here. What's up, Mike? They replace you back home?

[There's a pause on his end, too. How dare Jeff ignore a perfectly good threat. How. Dare. Barely audible foot stomp for good measure. And then stillness.]

Sure did.

[Sorry, bro. Can't take your threats seriously. Not when you're so adorably small and sulky. Cutest foot stomp ever.]

I'm not replacing you, Mike. The kid was just doing this as a favor for my sorry ass. I still need you.

[Even vertically-challenged men can be murderous, Jeff Winger!!!]

Bull. Think I'm gonna fall for your lies.

[It's ok to be tiny, bro.]

I'm not lying to you. And even if I was you wouldn't know because I'm an exceptional liar. [So smug.]

The kid's more interested in how the TV show works. I want him behind the scenes of that, not stuck threatening and intimidating any that get too close.

[u wanna go oversized man]

Well, guess you better hope Will's got a dangerous kid to lend you to do all the threatenin' and intimidatin', then!

[Sulky and dumb is such an unfortunate combination.]

[No, because Mike would win. :c]

Or you could come back and do that for me.

No can do, dude. Good luck with your kid search. I gotta go.

[Time to get super drunk and hope Walt White doesn't have a power that lets him murder people through the communicators...]

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textualhealing - 2015-11-13 22:34 (UTC) - Expand

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lackey - 2015-11-14 01:52 (UTC) - Expand